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Torey

Random Observations

Ah...randomness...

Ummm, Let It Go?
Apparently several conservative (uber-conservative, I'm guessing) Christians have come to the conclusion that Frozen is lesbian propaganda (one or two of them have even seen the movie) and to that I say, "Ummmmmmm?" No, really, that's it. "Ummmmmm?" Okay, so I also said, "Errrrrrrr?" But honestly, I think that's similar enough that, "Ummmmmm?" covers my response adequately. Their thought seems to be that the song, Let It Go is gay themed because it talks about how awful it is be spend a lifetime ashamed, and letting the past go and not being ashamed anymore. And not being ashamed is apparently a bad, bad thing and obviously the only thing anyone is EVER ashamed of or tries to hide is gayness (which is ironic given that my first thought when I heard the song was of my dyslexia and atheism, not gayness...lol). The fact that one sister gets a boyfriend and one doesn't also seems to have set them off because we all know that anyone without an opposite sex partner is gay. Honestly, it's so stupid, I can't even manage to be offended. Oh, they also think that the cute blonde boy is...ummmm..."involved" with his reindeer. No, really. They think the movie is also pro-bestiality. And these people think people like me are perverts? Sheez, how do they even think stuff like that up? I can't even...no...just "Ummmmmm?"

Okay, so the "Ummmmm?" is also accompanied by yours truly moonwalking backward...

Ready Freddy?
Rumor has it that ol' Fred Phelps has been excommunicated from the hate-filled bunch of lunatic asshats er, church that he started and is presently at death's door in hospice care. Now it seems like folks are arguing about how to respond this news and oncoming event (Fred's exit from this earthly plain), with arguments ranging from "PIcket the #$%^&*() bastard's funeral," to "We must be better than he and his ilk. Picket but with messages of kindness," to "Be really vicious. Ignore him." Given that the church is denying there even will be a funeral, I'd suggest another tack. Send Thank You cards. No, really, I mean it and no I haven't lost my mind. Fred and his bunch of...er...congregants have probably done more for gay rights than most of us by virtue of being so rabid that nobody, not even the most radical of souls wanted to be seen as being like them. They put the ugliest of ugly faces on bigotry and in so doing stripped much of the credibility from those who would give it a more civilized face. Good on ya, Freddy. Mind you, ol' Freddy should probably hope that I'm right about eternal matters and he's wrong, since even by his own rules he'd be migrating southward  and sniffing the odor of brimstone. The WBC think they're the only ones bound for heaven and having been excommed, he's out. Me, just think he'll cease to be. Which is good too.

Also, Thank You cards would probably make them batshit crazy (er...crazier), and that also has its appeal.

Incompetent, Irrelevant, and Immaterial
From the halls of the unexpected, I've been enjoying reruns of Perry Mason lately. Yeah, the old show from the fifties with Raymond Burr and Barbara Hale. It's very much from another time. No rape, torture, or mayhem and even the murders are presented in a surprisingly civilized way. They happen offstage and there are no huge fights or gun battles. The guilty party eventually confesses under Perry's cross examination, and aside from a few punches slung here and there, it's surprisingly non-violent for a show where at least one person is murdered in every episode. That's actually what i've been enjoying. The civilized thing, not the murder. It's a bit on the quiet side and pleasant background during late nights when I just want some sound and something I can pay a bit of attention or not. It's also never emotionally over-wrought (unlike so much current TV where even a hangnail is cause much wailing and gnashing of teeth--which I sometimes find rather exhausting). Anyhoo, there I was watching the other night while working on something or other and I had a sudden epiphany (hah, there's a word I don't get to use nearly often enough). Before I say more, a brief note of explanation for anyone who's never seen an episode (which would have included me until relatively recently), Perry Mason is a defense attorney, Della Street, his legal secretary, Paul Drake, the private investigator who often works for him and Hamilton Burger, the hapless prosecutor whose sysiphusian lot in life is to perpetually go up against Perry and get utterly demolished without ever noticing that this exact pattern has all happened (many times) before.

Now, unsurprisingly, there are literally multiple generations of viewers who've shipped Perry and Della, convinced they were secretly in love and hoping they'd eventually get together. Which, of course, they don't. Oh, they flirt very lightly, obviously enjoy each others company and eat out together a lot, but that's about it. Two fully grown, fairly attractive adults and their most emotional moment is pretty much limited to occasionally worrying when one or the other isn't getting enough sleep. All of which is what led to my epiphany (possibly more than one).

It all works so much better if Perry and Della are both gay.

Now I fully admit that my view could be affected by knowing that Raymond Burr actually was gay (true story: Phox didn't know and when I explained my epiphany to her, she got totally stuck on the news and I don't think ever heard the rest of it...lol). But really, a bit of bearding and a good friendship make so much more sense. The shippers note that they never seem to be attracted to others, but they never seem terribly attracted to each other either. Perry's most intense relationship is actually with Hamilton Burger, who loathes the guy and is constantly banging on about how unethical and dishonest and just all around awful Perry is (even though every week Perry prevents Burger from sending some poor innocent bastard to prison or the chair). Jilted ex or maybe bitter because Perry said no. And then there's Della. No man or woman in sight, or are they? HIding in plain sight maybe and playing the field? She's so kind and thoughtful with every possible female client Perry could take (particularly the attractive ones...he just smiles indulgently and takes the case--being kind or enabling her clandestine love life?). She puts her arms around them, holding their hands, gentle and reassuring...and seductive? And then I started seeing gay interactions in every scene.

And that's when the second epiphany hit.

This whole concept works for most television from the period. Suddenly all the separate beds, the chaste kisses, the utter and complete lack of anything approaching sexual tension, the lack of pregnancies (children were just there...adolescents already...and seldom resembled their parents at all) all make sense. Eureka! They were all freaking gay; Rob and Laura, Ozzie and Harriet, Matt and Miss Kitty, and really, does anybody believe the Beaver's parents ever had sex? I think not. I mean, the only ones who provably had sex are Lucy and Ricky (as she got pregos with little Ricky) and well...it appears to have made them (or at least her) insane. Then again, maybe she only acted that way in hopes he'd give her a divorce so she could go off with her true love, Ethel.

So there. I dare the Frozophobes to beat that for sheer lunacy (sadly, I suspect they'll find a way).

And now I should probably sign off and get some sleep, before the tongue in my cheek gets lost and starts coming out my ear.

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